The Things I Thought I Would Never Do Alone

Happy Fourth of July!

Today we celebrate freedom as a nation. But for many women rebuilding their lives, there is another kind of independence that deserves to be celebrated too.

The first trip you take alone. The first holiday you survive alone. The first decision you make without asking permission. The first home you buy. The first time you realize you are stronger than you ever imagined. None of those moments happen overnight. They happen because God faithfully walks with us until fear slowly gives way to confidence. That is what this letter is about.

For the woman who wonders if she's strong enough for the next chapter.

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After my divorce, I discovered something surprising.

I wasn't just grieving the end of a marriage.

I was grieving the woman I believed I could never become on my own.

Without even realizing it, I had spent years believing I needed someone else to help me make important decisions, reassure me I was doing the right thing, or confirm that I was capable. When that chapter ended, it wasn't just my life that felt unfamiliar.

It was me.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that uncertainty, I started keeping a list.

Not on paper.

In my mind.

It was a list of all the things I was convinced I would never be able to do by myself.

Some of them were big.

Some of them were surprisingly small.

But every one of them felt impossible.

I thought...

"I'll never spend Christmas alone."

"I'll never get through Valentine's Day without feeling broken."

"I'll never go to the movies by myself."

"I'll never travel alone."

"I'll never buy another house by myself."

"I'll never make major financial decisions on my own."

"I'll never really be okay again."

Looking back now, I smile.

Because one by one...

God crossed every single thing off that list.

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The first Christmas was hard.

Not because of the presents.

Because traditions have a way of reminding you what changed.

The first Valentine's Day wasn't much easier.

Every commercial.

Every bouquet of flowers.

Every restaurant filled with couples.

It all seemed to whisper,

"You're alone."

But somewhere during those first holidays, the Lord gently reminded me of something I desperately needed to learn.

Being alone...

and being abandoned...

are not the same thing.

I wasn't abandoned.

Not for one second.

God sat with me through every empty chair, every quiet evening, every holiday I thought I couldn't survive.

And somehow, what I feared would destroy me became one more place where He proved His faithfulness.

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Then there was the movie.

I remember thinking,

"People don't go to movies alone."

At least, I didn't think they did.

One afternoon I decided I was tired of letting fear make my decisions.

So I bought one ticket.

One popcorn.

One drink.

And I went to see The Forge.

Looking back now, I can't help but smile.

Out of all the movies I could have chosen, God knew exactly what He was doing.

Because while I was watching that movie, He was forging something inside of me.

Somewhere between the opening scene and the closing credits, I realized something.

No one was staring at me.

No one was wondering why I was there alone.

They were simply enjoying the movie.

I laughed.

I cried.

I walked back to my car with a question I had never asked before.

What else have I been afraid of that isn't actually scary?

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Then came one of the biggest moments of all.

Buying my first investment property by myself.

Years earlier, I would have never imagined making that kind of decision alone.

Not because I wasn't capable.

Because somewhere along the way, I had started believing I wasn't.

As I walked through the process, the Lord began revealing something that changed the way I saw my entire life.

For years, I had questioned my instincts.

Second-guessed my decisions.

Looked for someone else's approval before trusting my own judgment.

It wasn't until I sat at that closing table by myself that I realized something that still brings tears to my eyes.

I had always been capable.

I had simply forgotten.

Or maybe...

I had been convinced otherwise.

That closing wasn't just about buying property.

It was about reclaiming confidence.

It was about remembering the woman God created me to be long before fear convinced me otherwise.

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Then came traveling.

The first trip felt strange.

Every decision belonged to me.

Where to stay.

What to eat.

What to explore.

I remember catching myself reaching for my phone, wanting to ask someone else's opinion.

Then I would stop.

The decision was mine now.

Little by little, I stopped questioning every choice.

I discovered something beautiful.

I could trust the wisdom God had been building in me all along.

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Then came the bills.

The spreadsheets.

The mortgage.

The investments.

The bank accounts.

I learned things I had never taken the time to learn before.

Not because I couldn't.

Because somewhere along the way, I had quietly accepted the idea that someone else was supposed to handle those things.

Every new skill became another reminder that God equips us for every season He calls us into.

He never wastes a season.

Even the ones we never would have chosen.

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But one of the greatest surprises wasn't something I learned to do.

It was something I stopped carrying.

One day I realized I had laughed for an entire afternoon.

Not because life had become perfect.

But because joy had quietly returned.

Another day I found myself making plans six months into the future instead of replaying the last six months behind me.

Healing has a way of arriving quietly.

One ordinary day you realize you are no longer surviving.

You're living again.

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Eventually I realized something.

The hardest things I had to overcome weren't the holidays.

Or the finances.

Or traveling alone.

They were the stories I believed about myself.

I believed I couldn't.

God knew I could.

I believed I needed someone else to make me feel secure.

God wanted to become my security.

I believed I was incapable.

God kept whispering,

"Watch what I can do through you."

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Maybe your list looks different than mine.

Maybe yours says...

"I'll never live by myself."

"I'll never retire."

"I'll never travel."

"I'll never laugh again."

"I'll never trust anyone."

"I'll never make it financially."

Friend...

don't let fear write your future.

It is a terrible author.

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One of my favorite promises is found in Isaiah 46:4.

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Isaiah 46:4

Notice how many times God says,

"I will."

He never says,

"You'll figure it out."

He says,

"I will carry you."

And when I look back over these past few years, I realize...

That is exactly what He has done.

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Today I still do many of those things alone.

I travel.

I make financial decisions.

I buy property.

I celebrate holidays.

I dream about the future.

But none of them feel lonely anymore.

Because somewhere along the way, I discovered I was never doing any of them by myself.

God had been beside me all along.

Maybe that's the greatest miracle of rebuilding.

You don't simply discover what you can do.

You discover who has been carrying you the entire time.

If you're standing at the beginning of your own list today, wondering whether you're strong enough for whatever comes next, let me remind you of something.

You don't have to be strong enough by yourself.

You never were.

The same God who carried me through every first is the same God who will carry you through yours.

And one day, I believe you'll look back with a smile and realize that the very things you thought would break you became the places where God showed you His faithfulness.

Walking with you,

Your sister in the rebuild,

Kimberly